The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
