i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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