I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
