apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
