Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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