This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
