I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She needs sedatives and a leash
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
