I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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