She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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