I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
