But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
