I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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