I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
