dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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