Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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