Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
