In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
