I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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