you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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