how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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