Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
