i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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