fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
