He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
