No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
