Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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