Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
