Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
