ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
