I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
