never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
