She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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