i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
