Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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