I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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