I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
