ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
