R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
