**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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