Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
