i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
