i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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