Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
