This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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