I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
