You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
