can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
