chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
