new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
