I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
