Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
